As a family counselor who has worked with LGBTQIA+ youth and their families for nearly a decade, I've witnessed countless moments when parents first learn their child identifies as LGBTQIA+. The range of emotions—confusion, anxiety, fear, and sometimes disbelief—is both natural and understandable. It's particularly challenging here in Turkey, where the LGBTQIA+ community face significant marginalization, sometimes even experiencing discrimination from government officials who regard LGBTQIA+ individuals as "perverse."
My heart aches not only for these young individuals beginning their journey of self-discovery but also for their parents, who often struggle with the knowledge that their beloved child may face obstacles in our predominantly heteronormative society. This article aims to address common misconceptions about gender identity and sexual orientation, providing scientifically-grounded information to help parents better understand and support their LGBTQIA+ children.
Key Definitions
Sexual Orientation: A person's enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to another person. Common sexual orientations include gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and heterosexual.
Gender Identity: A person's innermost sense of being male, female, neither, or another gender. This is distinct from the sex a person was assigned at birth.
Common Myths and Scientific Reality
Myth 1: "It's Just a Phase"
Reality: While exploration and fluidity are normal parts of adolescent development, research indicates that for most individuals, core aspects of sexual orientation and gender identity are stable across time.
Sexual Orientation: A longitudinal study by Savin-Williams et al. (2012) followed young people for 10 years and found substantial stability in sexual orientation, particularly after age 151.
Gender Identity: A 2022 study by Turban et al. found that transgender youth who socially transition (e.g., change their name, pronouns, and clothing) early in life generally maintain a transgender identity2.
Myth 2: "They're Being Influenced by Friends or Social Media"
Reality: Scientific evidence points to biological factors playing a significant role in sexual orientation and gender identity.
Genetics: A large-scale genome-wide association study (GWAS) by Ganna et al. (2019) identified multiple genetic markers associated with same-sex sexual behavior, further supporting a biological basis3.
Prenatal Environment: Research suggests that prenatal hormone exposure may influence both sexual orientation and gender identity. A 2021 review by Balthazart et al. summarized evidence for the impact of prenatal androgens on sexual differentiation of the brain4.
Myth 3: "Modern Society and Media Are Making Kids LGBTQIA+"
Reality: LGBTQIA+ individuals have existed throughout history and across cultures. Increased visibility and acceptance allow more young people to recognize and embrace their authentic selves.
Historical Evidence: Historical and anthropological research documents the presence of diverse gender identities and sexual orientations in various societies throughout time5.
Cross-Cultural Perspectives: The existence of LGBTQIA+ people in diverse cultures worldwide underscores that these identities are not a product of any specific societal context6.
Myth 4: "Parents Did Something Wrong"
Reality: Decades of research have consistently shown that parenting styles or family dynamics do not determine a child's sexual orientation or gender identity.
No Evidence for Social Causation: A comprehensive review by Bailey et al. (2016) found no evidence that social factors, including parenting, cause sexual orientation7.
Family Acceptance is Key: Instead of focusing on blame, research highlights the crucial role of family support in promoting the well-being of LGBTQIA+ youth8.
Understanding the Science: Beyond Choice and Influence
The Role of Biology
Recent scientific studies have revealed several key findings:
Genetic Factors
Twin studies consistently show higher concordance rates for sexual orientation among identical twins compared to fraternal twins9.
Genome-Wide Association Studies (GWAS) have identified multiple genetic variants associated with same-sex sexual behavior3.
Brain Structure and Function
Research using neuroimaging techniques has identified structural and functional differences in the brains of cisgender and transgender individuals, suggesting a biological basis for gender identity10.
Studies have found differences in brain connectivity patterns between cisgender and transgender individuals, further supporting the neurobiological underpinnings of gender identity11.
Hormonal Influences
Research continues to explore the role of prenatal hormone exposure in shaping gender identity and sexual orientation4.
Studies are investigating the influence of variations in hormone receptors on gender identity and sexual orientation12.
The Impact of Acceptance vs. Rejection
Research by the Family Acceptance Project has provided clear evidence about the crucial role of family support:
Young people who experience high levels of family rejection are13:
8.4 times more likely to attempt suicide
5.9 times more likely to experience severe depression
3.4 times more likely to engage in risky behaviors or substance abuse
Conversely, research shows that family acceptance8:
Reduces suicide attempt risk by more than 40%
Significantly decreases depression rates
Improves self-esteem and general health
Strengthens family bonds
Moving Forward: Supporting Your Child
Practical Steps for Parents
Process Your Emotions: It's okay to feel uncertain or worried. Seek support from mental health professionals or support groups who can help you navigate these feelings.
Listen Without Judgment: Create space for open dialogue with your child. They need to know they can trust you with their authentic selves.
Educate Yourself: Learn about LGBTQIA+ experiences and challenges. Understanding leads to better support.
Advocate for Your Child: Stand up against discrimination and help create safe spaces for your child to thrive.
Connect with Other Parents: Organizations like LISTAG (Families of LGBTIs in Istanbul) provide valuable support networks.
Creating a Supportive Home Environment
To foster a supportive home environment where your LGBTQIA+ child feels safe and affirmed, it's essential to go beyond mere tolerance and actively demonstrate your acceptance. Start by using their chosen name and pronouns consistently, showing respect for their identity. When planning family activities, remember to include their partner or LGBTQIA+ friends, making it clear that their relationships are valued and celebrated within your family. Make your home a visually welcoming space by displaying LGBTQIA+ inclusive books or symbols, signaling that their identities are recognized and honored. In everyday conversations, make an effort to speak positively about LGBTQIA+ people and issues, contributing to a culture of acceptance within your home. Finally, be prepared to actively challenge any discriminatory comments from family members or friends, demonstrating that you are a staunch ally and advocate for your child. This unwavering support will not only help your child thrive but also strengthen your family bond.
Looking to the Future
While the journey may seem daunting, especially in environments where LGBTQIA+ individuals face discrimination, remember that your support can make an enormous difference in your child's life. Research consistently shows that even one accepting adult can significantly improve outcomes for LGBTQIA+ youth.
As a mental health professional, I've witnessed remarkable transformations in families who choose understanding and acceptance over fear and denial. These families often report stronger bonds and deeper connections after working through their initial challenges.
Seeking Additional Support
If you're struggling to process your child's identity or need guidance on supporting them effectively, professional help is available. At Psikoterapi Atolyesi, we offer specialized counseling services for families navigating this journey. You don't have to face these challenges alone.
Remember: Your child is the same person they've always been. Their courage in sharing their truth with you is a testament to their trust and love. By choosing to support and understand them, you're not only protecting their well-being but also strengthening your family bonds for years to come.
For professional support and guidance, contact Psikoterapi Atolyesi. We're here to help you and your family thrive on this journey.
References
Savin-Williams, R. C., & Ream, G. L. (2012). Prevalence and stability of sexual orientation components during adolescence and young adulthood. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 41(1), 177–184.
Turban, J. L., Loo, S. S., Almazan, A. N., & Keuroghlian, A. S. (2022). Pubertal suppression for transgender youth and risk of suicidal ideation. Pediatrics, 149(2), e2021056081.
Ganna, A., et al. (2019). Large-scale GWAS reveals insights into the genetic architecture of same-sex sexual behavior. Science, 365(6456), eaat7693.
Balthazart, J., Evrard, H. C., & Harada, N. (2021). Cellular mechanisms of brain differentiation: Focus on the role of aromatase. Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology, 62, 100940.
Boswell, J. (1980). Christianity, social tolerance, and homosexuality: Gay people in Western Europe from the beginning of the Christian era to the fourteenth century. University of Chicago Press.
Nanda, S. (1990). Neither man nor woman: The Hijras of India. Wadsworth Publishing Company.
Bailey, J. M., et al. (2016). Sexual orientation, controversy, and science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 17(2), 45–101.
Ryan, C., et al. (2010). Family acceptance in adolescence and the health of LGBT young adults. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, 23(4), 205–213.
Bailey, J. M., et al. (1993). Heritable factors influence sexual orientation in women. Archives of General Psychiatry, 50(3), 217–223.
Guillamon, A., et al. (2016). A review of the status of brain structure research in transsexualism. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 45(7), 1615–1648.
Manzouri, A., Kosidou, K., & Savic, I. (2021). White matter microstructure in female-to-male transsexuals: A diffusion tensor imaging study. Cerebral Cortex, 31(1), 439–447.
Hare, L., et al. (2019). Androgen Receptor Repeat Length Polymorphism Associated with Male-to-Female Transsexualism. Biological Psychiatry, 65(1), 93-96.
Ryan, C., et al. (2009). Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in white and Latino lesbian, gay, and bisexual young adults. Pediatrics, 123(1), 346-352.
Comments